ใบไม้สีทอง ?

พรุ่งนี้ ฤดูใบไม้ร่วงกำลังจะมาถึง ผมจำได้ว่าครั้งแรกที่มาถึงซีแอตเทิลก็ตอนฤดูนี้ ตอนเด็กๆ ถ้ามีเวลาว่าง ผมจะชอบคิดถึงสิ่งต่างๆไปเรื่อย ผมเคยคิดว่าอยากขึ้นเครื่องบิน ถ้าผมได้ขึ้นไปบนท้องฟ้า ผมจะจองที่นั้งริมหน้าต่าง เพื่อที่จะได้เปิดกระจก หยิบก้อนเมฆมาใส่เอาไว้ในกล่อง เพื่อที่ตอนผมกลับมาถึงบ้าน จะได้เก็บเอาไว้ดูเล่น( ซึ่งแน่นอนว่าแม้แต่ตอนนี้ ผมก็ยังไม่ได้ทำ) มีหลายอย่างที่ผมเคยคิดแล้วไม่มีทางทำได้ และมันก็มีบางอย่าง ที่ผมเคยคิดไปแล้ว ลองไปแล้ว ทำไปแล้ว หนึ่งในนั้นคือ การได้เห็น ใบไม้สีทอง?

มีครั้งนึงผมไปเดินห้างในเมืองไทย แล้วด้วยเหตุการ์ณใดมิทราบได้ ผมเดินไปตรงโซนขายทีวี ผมจำไม่ได้แน่ชัดว่าเดอะมอลล์บางกะปิหรือที่ไหนซักแห่ง( บ้านผมอยู่ตรงสีแยกลำสาลีพอดี สามารถเดินไปเดอะมอลล์ได้อย่างง่ายดาย) แล้วทีวีต่างๆมากมาย หลายขนาด หลายยี่ห้อ จะเปิดเป็นเหมือนวีดีโอสารคดีหรือไม่ก็ภาพทิวทัศน์ต่างๆให้ใครก็ไม่รู้ดู ภาพที่ติดตาผม คือภาพถนนในซอยๆนึงที่มีต้นไม้ปลูกไว้เต็มสองข้างทาง แล้วตามพื้นถนนเต็มไปด้วยใบไม้ร่วงสีเหลืองทอง ผมจะนึกภาพยามเช้าซักเช้านึง แบบ ตื่นมาแล้วออกมาวิ่งจ๊อกกิ้ง หรือ เดินเล่น หรือ ปั่นจักรยานไปตามทางใต้เงาของต้นไม้และบนกองของใบไม้ ซึ่งแน่นอน ตอนนั้นที่เมืองไทย ผมไม่สามารถทำได้ อย่างมากที่สุดก็ทำได้แค่เดินเล่นใต้เงาของต้นหูกวางหน้าบ้าน คอยหลบลูกของมันที่จะหล่นลงมาแบบไร้การคาดเดา แต่พอผมมาถึงและได้มาเห็นต้นไม้ของซีแอตเทิล ผมรู้สึกถึงสิ่งนึงที่ผมจำมาผิดตลอด ใบไม้สีทอง? มันไม่จริงหรอก ใบไม้ไม่ใช่สีทอง ใบไม้มีหลายสี

เพราะต้นไม้แต่ละต้น มีสีของการเปลี่ยนไม่เหมือนกัน บางต้นสีแดง บางต้นสีเหลือง บางต้นสีส้ม บางต้นสีน้ำตาลแก่ และแม้แต่ภายในต้นไม้หนึ่งต้น ไม่ใช่ใบทุกใบจะเปลี่ยนสีพร้อมกัน เพราะฉะนั้นมันก็จะยังมีสีเขียวปนอยู่ ซึ่งก็มีหลายโทน เขียวอ่อน เขียวแก่ เขียวเข้ม และยิ่งไปกว่านั้น ถ้าเกิดเราเดินไปตรงต้นไม้หนึ่งต้นแล้วเด็ดเอาใบไม้ออกมาหนึ่งใบ แล้วสังเกตุมันดีๆ จะเห็นว่าภายในใบหนึ่งใบก็มีหลายสี ผมจำได้สมัยตอนเด็กๆเรียนวิชาศิลปะ อะไรคือสิ่งที่เด็กชอบวาดมากที่สุดในโลก? พระอาทิตย์  ก้อนเมฆ ภูเขา แม่น้ำ คน และ ต้นไม้!! ถ้าเกิดเอาผลงานของวิชาวาดตามจินตนาการของเด็กประถมมาดู ผมเชื่อว่าทั้งห้อง แทบทุกคนต้องมีวาดรูปต้นไม้ ซึ่งก็แน่นอน ต้องวาดใบไม้ และทุกคนจะต้องระบายสีลำต้นสีน้ำตาลและใบไม้สีเขียว( ยกเว้นเสียแต่ว่าเขาจะวาดต้นไม้ที่กำลังจะตาย ไม่มีใบ) แต่ต้นไม้ของที่นี้ ถึงจะไร้ซึ่งใบ เหลือแต่กิ่งและลำต้น มันก็ยังไม่ตาย อันที่จริง เพราะทำแบบนั้นต่างหาก มันถึงยังไม่ตาย 

ฤดูโปรดอย่างที่สองของผม(และเชื่อว่าอีกหลายๆคน) คือ ฤดูหนาว ไม่มีใครเป็นเด็กที่เมืองไทยแล้วไม่ฝันอยากจะปั้นตุ๊กตาหิมะตามอย่างในหนังหรือการ์ตูนที่ดูในทีวี ที่ซีแอตเทิล หิมะจะตกเป็นบางที่และบางปี ตอนเด็กๆผมจะลองจินตนาการ หยิบความรู้สึกที่เดินแล้วพูดเป็นไออย่างที่เห็นในหนังฮ่องกง มารวมกับความรู้สึกที่ดูในหนังฮอลลิวูด ฉาคพระเอกกำลังอินเลิฟกับนางเอกท่ามกลางหิมะโปรยปราย เอามารวมๆกันแล้วเดาเอาเองว่ามันจะรู้สึกแบบไหน และถ้าเกิดหิมะตกแถวบ้าน ผมจะเป็นคนแรกที่ตื่นมาปั้นตุ๊กตาหิมะ ผมจะไปโกยหิมะตามถนนมาไว้ในบริเวณบ้านให้หมด แล้วจะไม่มีใครสามารถมารุกล้ำได้เพราะมันเป็นที่ศักดิ์สิทธ์ของผม และซึ่งในความเป็นจริง แม้แต่ปัจจุบัน ผมยังไม่เคยทำมันจริงๆจังๆเลย หิมะไม่ได้มีแต่ความโรแมนติกและความสนุกสนาน หากแต่มันควบคู่กันไปกับความเย็นและความลำบาก ถ้าวันไหนหิมะตกหนัก รถไม่สามารถวิ่งได้ ถึงจะมีรถของทางเมืองมาช่วยโกยหิมะ แต่ถนนจะลื่นมากและเสียสมดุลได้ง่าย ซึ่งผมก็ได้ลองมาแล้วแบบสตายวัยรุ่น นี่ยังไม่พูดถึงความเย็นเยือกของมัน ซึ่งจริงๆแล้วผมชอบมาก แต่มันสนุกอยู่ประมาณ2-3วัน หลังจากนั้นความสนุกจะกลายเป็นความทรมาณ เพราะห้างร้านต่างๆก็จะปิดหมด และในที่สุดก็จะหมดกิจกรรมที่ทำนอกบ้านเหลือแต่กิจกรรมในบ้าน แต่โชคดีที่ผมเป็นคนสติเยอะ เพราะถ้าใครสติน้อย อาจจะกลายเป็นบ้าได้

พรุ่งนี้ ฤดูใบไม้ร่วงกำลังจะมาถึง ผมจะรอดูใบไม้ หลายสี

Childhood Memory - Part II

      Sometimes I find it weird that when I was a little kid, I wanted to grow up. And now I'm a grown-up, I want to go back to being a child. Not literally, though, but in a sense that I don't have to work and can play all the time. As time goes by, I realize that this topic is nothing new and it is very normal. I could feel that all the people I know feel the same way and I believe anybody who grows and lives in space and time feels the same way too. Everything grows and through the process of growing, it stays the same. The best example of this is none other than my hometown " Soi Kempeth " or translated into English " Diamond-needle Village ".
   
      One thing about Thailand that I love and America doesn't have is the village type of society. In here everyone lives individually but in the town that I grew up, almost everybody knows each other( or at least that was what happening when I was a kid. I'm not sure about now). In Seattle, I cannot wish to go out by foot to buy an ice cream or anything that I urgently need within 5 minutes( unless I live in some of the downtown areas but that is no village). But in the area where I was raised, I could walk randomly and find shops and stores and services such as barbers, hardware stores, internet cafes, magazine stands, 24-hour convenient stores, an ice cream stand, sidewalk restaurants, drugs stores, outdoor markets, butcher shops,  a bakery shop, a bicycle repair shop, a video rental shop, a manga rental shop, etc. I can find all of these within 15 minutes walking. One thing I notice about Thai people is that when we don't know what to do as a career, we start selling stuff. It is amazingly easy to open a small business as long as you have a place( or a spot big enough to fit whatever you sell). As a kid in school, I needed to cut my hair short accordingly to the rules and,very often, like once a month. I hated it, by the way. So, the worst place that I had to visit frequently was the barber shop. There was the one in the front entrance of my Soi that I used to go all the time. I don't remember the name and I doubt they even came up with one. Sometimes I wondered if they really were trained to do what they were doing. Their skills were far off from professional's. Could it possible that they woke up one day and, all of a sudden, converted the 1st floor of their house into an empty space, filled it with chairs and mirrors, and decided to start cutting people's hair for living ? When I thought about it thoroughly, it could for real happen. You don't really need anything except tools to cut kid's hair. Ok, maybe they took some cutting lesson from a nearby private institution. But they also could be self-taught hairdos. I don't recall seeing a certificate on the wall when I went in. All they posted on the shop windows were posters of universally recognized superstars. Britney Spears, Justine Timberlake, David Beckham and so on. And I recalled David Beckham had on a skinhead hairstyle. Even to this day and age, I still don't know what the "glass tube thing" in front of every salon supposes to symbolize. You know, the one that looks like a Christmas candy cane.

Another example of how easy it was to start a small business of your own is the hawkers. In case you don't know, a hawker is a person who travels around selling food that they make or small stuff that they can carry along, usually advertising to people by shouting names or catchy slogans. As a kid, those people were my heroes. I'll tell you how and why the hawker business works well in Thailand. First of all, considering the weather. In Bangkok where the humidity is dry, the temperature is blazing high and the wind velocity is low, people don't really want to go out of their houses or travel too far away. Having those merchants come to sell things at your doors is not a bad idea at all and the prices are usually cheap. The second factor is that it's easy and budget friendly. It is amazingly fast to start up just about anything from scratch. No registration require, no license require( maybe a driver license if you drive a vehicle such as a motorcycle with sidecar ), no rented space, no hired employee( usually it's a solo or working with family members). You just need some necessary tools and skills related to what you're trying to sell. The third factor is that it gives people, especially kids, a pleasant surprise. You never know exactly when or what is gonna come by yelling at your front door. Be the ice cream man, the papaya salad queen, the home-brew drinks tricycle( Thai Ice Tea, Coffee, Chrysanthemum juice etc. ), the fresh fruits truck, the blooms and dustpans merchant etc. Those people don't have written business hours or official schedules. There are the ones that travel from place to place and there are the ones that live nearby. Even the ones that live nearby only have routines, not fixed schedules. Well, I might be wrong on this one because I might be the only kid who whenever he wanted to buy a papaya salad and grilled chicken, they never came. But when he didn't pay attention, they waltzed pass by cold faces and the poor boy had to run around the streets trying to catch them before they gone through the horizon. Or could this had something to do with my lack of attention and luck as a little kid ? I wouldn't know.

   My town was the same as ever when I got a chance to go back a couple years ago. I got a chance to go to the grocery store 'R Mor' located in the corner about a block away from my house ( I should mention that the place used to be my grandma's greatest rival of the grocery selling business long before her shop went out of business). I went in and checked out some of the pastries and snacks that were sitting on the tray. And.. MAN ALIVE! I could not tell if they were the new batch or the same batch that I saw 10 years ago. I mean, could they be sitting here like this for 10 whole years and nobody really ever tried to pick them up. The color of the breads, the way all the snacks are arranged and positioned, the package logos, the types of all the pastries and snacks were exactly the same. I looked around the store and the interior design and the layout were also exactly the same. I tried to find the Granny ' R Mor' who owns the shop but I saw her son instead. And just as I thought, I could not recognize him at all. Next to the store stood what could be one of the most sophisticated Thailand's public transportation services. " Mosirubjang " or in plain English " Motorcycle Taxi ". Why would it be sophisticated, you ask? Well, before that let me explain further of how the service works. In my Soi in which the layout appears to be simple enough. Two upside-down L-shaped pathways adjacent to one another.
                                   
                                               My House
                              
                                 
                                      __ _ _    _* _ _ _ _ _  Motorcycle Taxi
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       !              !
                                                       ^             ^

                                            Entrance 1         Entrance 2

                                                                           Motorcycle Taxi 
                                                                   


        As you can see, the two spots where the motorcycle services are located on the entrance and the dead end. Their routines are usually based on the second entrance only since there are 8-10 mini lateral routes that connect both ways, left and right. As you can see my house located on the corner of the left dead end. In order for me to go there, I have to use the service from the entrance 2. The method of calling is simple enough. First, you walk over acting like you're tired and need help( otherwise you could be ignored) and look at the guys who wear numbered jackets in the eyes. The one who supposes to take turn will come up and talk to you. You simply tell him or her the destination of your dream. Along the way, you suppose to tell the guy where and when to turn. Since the route to my house only takes one right angle turn, I'll just have to tell him once a minute before hand. On the other hand, the trip out of my house takes a little extra work. I have to walk to the spot and call a service there or simply wave my hand in the air. Occasionally, there are stray dogs within the routes. I mean, a group of hungry fucking dogs. The driver will sidekick the dogs out of the way with his foot while maintaining the balance if they interfere with the service. And this is where things get tricky. A trip to somewhere outside of the Soi can also be arranged in advance. Now the fixed price will increase depending on the distance and the level of difficulty. But if you're a person who gets a thrill out of extreme sports, you will love the service. Otherwise, I don't recommend doing it. Bangkok's traffic wonderland can be too extreme. However, all this is not to make fun of the jobs and people of my hometown but I really find all those things both fun and funny. After all they were my neighbors and people who I grew up with. The memories of those people, even when sometimes can be unpleasant, never left me bad taste or harm. They shaped who I am today.

Childhood Memory - Part I

I went to ride a bike on Greenlake yesterday and, if heaven is real, I was in one. The sunshine, the trees, the breeze, the tree shadows, the little kids, the lovers, the lake, the thousands of sparkling lights on the water, the peaceful corner where the sun only half shone, every parts of it were perfectly arranged . I thought of so many things. But the best part of all was the reminiscing of my childhood memory.

Joseph Campbell said that the sacred space that everyone is seeking is the resembling of their childhood memory. I felt the same way. Then, I thought of my fantasy of a little kid. I was always a child of peace, love, friendship and yet of adventure ( this is not to say that I wasn't naughty or selfish at all but rather they're not something I want to talk now). The last part about an adventurous me makes it different from a normal idea of heaven. How could a child of peace also loves adventure. What seems like a paradox is actually an idea of real heaven for me. There was one time when I sat at Starbucks and the mysterious old man came up to me and shown me the picture of a garden with a little girl and a bear. And he said " Wouldn't it be nice if we can live in a world where there is no threat, no danger and humans and animals live peacefully together. " I thought for a second that it would be GREAT but a moment later I changed my mind. How could animals and humans live peacefully together? The picture was made from human's perspective. If it was from the bear's perspective, a bear that doesn't post any threat to humans at all is not a bear. Or should I say, not a good bear! Bears suppose to occasionally defend themselves from the unexpected intruders by being mean, maybe groaning and swinging their claws around, you know,  instinctively wild animals are like that. Because if they don't act tough, they won't survive in the hood( or in the wood). I'm not going to say that there shouldn't be peace among animal kingdom and people. But my idea of peace is that everyone who has a sacred space knows their sacred space and respects other's sacred space. Therefore, my childhood memory was always peaceful and exciting for I find fun in exploring the unseen, gathering the unexpected, improvising the unlikely and in the midst of it all when I lay low to rest or stop to eat, I find peace.

Then, I thought about my bike riding skills. Nowadays, I'm just a normal guy but back when I was little and had roamed the streets of Bangkok( particularly in Bangkapi ), I was like the leader of the young bicycle gang consisting of 4 or 5 gang members. I could literally cruise around without using my hands to hold the handlebar. I could make a wide angle turn, pass through a bump and come back home without touching the handlebar at all. Of course, things like this take practice and I often got cuts and bruises all over the place. Whenever I met Sang( an only childhood friend whom I still get in touch with), we would talk about the fun times. I had done so many things that not everyone gets to do. For example, I had traveled to the nearby Soi( Village in Thai) called Sounson( Pine Garden) by passing through what looked and smelled like a pig slaughter house. I still remember the smell and sound that the pigs made when I had to lift up my bike and waltz( on foot )through the path that Mr. & Mrs. Pinkies provided. Of course, there was a normal route to the village but that would take too much time and energy and, as a kid, that was no fun.

The day after it rained( and, boy, in my Soi, once it rains that means there will be a flood at some point soon), I would bike around the little reservoir phenomenally occurred due to poor drainage system. The water level could be from an inch to half a leg depends on how many days it rains. The feeling I got sometimes was like riding a special tank designed to withstand any types of damage and sometimes like a strong-willed adventurer trying the best to conquer the law of nature. Once in awhile, though, there were fishes. Not goldfish or salmon but ugly looking fishes that came from somewhere via the sewage. And, being perverted enough, I went and scooped up some to take home. I was intelligent enough not to cook it and just observed its appearance. My grandmother used to open a grocery store that sells miscellanious things from laokaow( Thai vodka) to mosquito-killing incenses. The area in front of the shop always clogged and flooded every time it rained hard. So, as bored as I was, I sometimes made a small paper boat and sailed it away. Though the boat never got too far away because there were no waves, I had a lot of fun just imagine myself so small enough to fit in the boat and go on a little journey.

Only dead man doesn't cry.