Modern Seattle Garbage Truck

Did you lose your Zen

little boy ?

Even when we know the hidden tricks,
we don't stop playing the game called My Self.

It just feels more fun to play along.

10/09/11

In the morning it was very cloudy and cold but later in the afternoon the sun finally rose up. On my way to get my last paycheck, I stopped by at the University District to check out some books. After reading an article about the local used bookstores vanishing phenomenon, I tried to support them as much as I can. My thought is actually on the both sides of the spectrum. I don't hate internet book selling chain like Amazon or the big cooperation like Barnes & Noble. In fact, I think Amazon is pretty awesome and Barnes & Noble at Northgate is actually my hang-out place. With Amazon I can find all the rare books that I can't find( or don't have time to search for ) and there are also some used books that are really cheap. With Barnes & Noble, I just like the interior atmosphere. I think it's more comfortable to find books and absorb them than in most used bookstores. Now, on the other hand, local used bookstores are inevitably high priced due to the small owning business rules but they are definitely more charming. The fact that you can go in and not know what you might find is pretty cool. You may encounter some really good books in much more low price. Plus, it's good to reuse books, I think. In fact, I like reading books that show signs of wearing. It kinda makes me feel nostalgic in a way.

I didn't buy any this time. I was going to get one of the Alan Watts's early writing about Zen and religion and all that but I grew tired of reading about them. I've been reading Alan Watts  and Joseph Campbell for over two years, man. Plus, I couldn't find another Harry Mulisch's books so I just walked out. Speaking of Harry Mulisch, if it weren't for the legendary magazines like Frame and Mark, I wouldn't have heard about him at all. Dutch people are so inspiring. Mulisch is like the European Haruki Murakami. His writing is so hip, philosophical, and heart-breaking. And his plots and the use of words are so engaging and fluid.

Back at home the scene outside of my window is so utopia-like. I opened Glenn Gould's Mozart piano Sonatas, made some coffee, heated up a coconut bun, and sat down at my computer writing this.

I'm ready for some more drawing.

Just tell me now
Tell me what you know
The love and all that
Why are they so late ?

And I'm the innocent
I always have been
But why is everything my fault ?
And why am I so sad ?

Job Hunt - PART I

So I quit my job. To be honest, I shouldn't even be writing a blog in a time like this. This is no time to be laying back and acting cool. The money is running out. There is the rent, the phone bill, the internet, the gas, the electricity, and the countless little things I don't want to think about. Not to mention my fantasy of eating well made delicious food and bakery, that too will need to be holding back for now. I might be the only person in the world that gladly let myself be out of work without any second plan in mind. Did I say 'plan' ? Oh! man...I'm nothing but a plan. It's my style to plan ahead. I'm that type of guy. I always think ahead. But..no..not this time. I have witnessed my friends quit jobs before and all of them either acted angry or depress and desperate. I told myself before that if I ever get to quit my job, I would never be like them. But now look at me. I'm super nervous man. As I'm writing this, I feel just like a protagonist from a hip novel who's trying to turn sad events into something funny.You know, something that Haruki Murakami would write. But I wish that this is a novel, not real life. I really do. But that is out of the question now. The thing I should focus now is what next ?

So what's next ? I'm selling my guitar. The martin guitar. So far nobody bought it yet, but people on craigslist are incomprehensible so.. I'll give it some more time. I'm also selling my Gravis backpack on ebay. That too, doesn't go very well. The last place I want to think is a pawn shop. I'll save it as my last card on these pair of sensitive hands. Getting a job should be fun, right ? Right ? .... I don't mind going for a job hunt but the thing that makes me nervous is that I'm not from here. I can speak and write English just fine but it's still not my native tongue to speak of so that makes my disadvantage. Sure, the age of discrimination is long since over but, come on...man, my real name is Vuttiphong and my last name is Mahasamut. If you're an employer, wouldn't that raise you a question or two. On top of that, I don't have any degree. I finished high school but that's nothing to be proud of ( though I am really proud of it, no employers would feel the same about me ). And worse yet, the only experience I have is waiting tables in a restaurant. That too is part of my problem. My problem is that I want to do something else. Something new and inspiring. That's why I'm trying to go to UW for an IVA major and that's why I quit my job. I know so well that being a student there is a limit of jobs I can wish to do. It's not a career, right ? Yeah, I told that to myself everyday while I was working in a Thai restaurant but what is a career anyway? And when will your career start ? After years, I realize it now. It's now. I used to think that everyone has some kind of unique talent dispositions within the genes ( and possibly passed down from bloodlines and whatever) but I got a vague sense that it's only half true. The thing is that we have MULTIPLE personalities and, therefore, we have multiple urges and needs to do many different things depending on the moods, the inspirations, the accesses, the weather, the energy you have and so on. Some people called it 'confusing' but I wouldn't call it that. To me, there is nobody more confused than a person who always eat the same old food, wear the same old cloths, walk the same old path, and do the same old things. He is like a comedian who always crack the same old jokes. No matter how funny it is, you laugh and laugh and it's kinda not funny anymore.

(of course, this is to be continued )